It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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