I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
