Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I love you. Go after that dick
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
