I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize