You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
