but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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