Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
