Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
