yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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