shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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