dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just had sex bonerless
i think i have herpe
just one?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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