you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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