I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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