just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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