Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
