I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
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Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
you never un-have a 4some
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize