Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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