Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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