We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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