You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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