They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
