Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think i got beer on your cat.
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