I think im going to throw up on grandma
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
