i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
