I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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