God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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