So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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