one word: firstdatebathroomanal
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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