This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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