How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
