thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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