There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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