on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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