I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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