I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
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I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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