somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
