my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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