This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
