I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
