Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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