I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
