Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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