I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
