I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
