I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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