dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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