we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
