Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
