oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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