It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos