I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
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plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
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using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?