I just saw a hot homeless man
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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