Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying

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  (814): He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying http://tfl.nu/diyu
  Replies (28) Good night (12366) Bad night (785)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.

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  (952): he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does. http://tfl.nu/uw0a
  Replies (28) Good night (5331) Bad night (808)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks

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  (215): i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks http://tfl.nu/79xy
  Replies (36) Good night (1365) Bad night (6056)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.

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  (313): i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried. http://tfl.nu/0j7l
  Replies (59) Good night (1822) Bad night (5534)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast

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  (609): i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast http://tfl.nu/q9sr
  Replies (26) Good night (1299) Bad night (7745)
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  (310): View more from California

  If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?

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  (310): If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement? http://tfl.nu/kphp
  Replies (6) Good night (5406) Bad night (1407)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon

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  (978): I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon http://tfl.nu/xy8w
  Replies (5) Good night (3636) Bad night (1090)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad

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  (850): I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad http://tfl.nu/g5mj
  Replies (8) Good night (2120) Bad night (1088)
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  (310): View more from California

  I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis

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  (310): I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis http://tfl.nu/97wg
  Replies (22) Good night (2094) Bad night (804)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?

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  (231): Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night? http://tfl.nu/zmtw
  Replies (2) Good night (1356) Bad night (1024)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.

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  (847): I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/tgoh
  Replies (11) Good night (1288) Bad night (582)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.

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  (509): Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option. http://tfl.nu/ikne
  Replies (3) Good night (495) Bad night (393)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time

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  (724): You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time http://tfl.nu/hrwv
  Replies (1) Good night (370) Bad night (448)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans

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  (409): We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans http://tfl.nu/zl8l
  Replies (0) Good night (595) Bad night (260)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision

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  (214): In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision http://tfl.nu/s7qw
  Replies (0) Good night (437) Bad night (311)

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