After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
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seriously i just wanna be friends
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
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maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.