I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on