She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
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I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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