Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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