i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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