I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
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I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
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The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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