when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
