i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
