I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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