She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My vagina just recognized that song.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
