well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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